Eyes Are the most complex organs you possess except for your brain.  
Eyes Are composed of more than two million working parts.  
Eyes Can process 36,000 bits of information every hour.  
Eyes Under the right conditions, can discern the light of a candle at a distance of 14 miles.  
Eyes Contribute towards 85% of your total knowledge.

Eyes Utilize 65% of all the pathways to the brain.  
Eyes Can instantaneously set in motion hundreds of muscles and organs in your body.  
Eyes In a normal life-span, will bring you almost 24 million images of the world around you.  
Eyes The external muscles that move the eyes are the strongest muscles in the human body for the job that they have to do. They are 100 times more powerful than they need to be.  
Eyes The adult eyeball measures about 1 inch (2.5 cm) in diameter. Of its total surface area only one-sixth is exposed -- the front portion.  
Eyes The eye is the only part of the human body that can function at 100% ability at any moment, day or night, without rest. Your eyelids need rest, the external muscles of your eyes need rest, the lubrication of your eyes requires replenishment, but your eyes themselves "never" need rest. But please rest them!  
Eyes Eyes are your most precious sense... care for them properly!

A friend is a push when you have stopped,
A chat when you arr lonely,
A guide when you are searching,
A smile when you are sad,
A song when you are glad.

............ ......... ..................... ..

What is a friend?
She looks out 4 you,
Inspires you,
Laughs with you,
Cries with you,
Understands you,
Guides you and walks with you.
That's what a friend is... YOU.

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then

I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

******

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .

He saw me in dark, he created light .

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

******

Twinkle Twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.

******

The rain makes all things beautiful.

The grass and flowers too.

If rain makes all things beautiful

Why doesn't it rain on you?

******

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you.

******

Reaction from different countries:
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U.S.A:
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.
We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........ whoelse?) 

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U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with."
(Prime Minister Blair)
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Iraq:
"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
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Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime.
We will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon....)
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Canada:
"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)
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India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris.
Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister Vajpayee)
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Pakistan:
"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke liye pabandi"
(President Musharraf)
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UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)
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Survivors:
"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening... it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."
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Thank you for calling Jehovah/Allah/ and all the rest.

For English press 1

For Spanish press 2

For Arabic press 3

For all other languages  press 4

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for Virgins website (mobile phones only)

Press 5 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now.  However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received.  Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

Jehovah (Jewish) press 1

Jehovah (RC) press 2

Jehovah (Anglican) press 3

Jehovah (OPD) press 4

Allah (Sunni) press 5

Allah (Shia) press 6

E-meter press 7

Other deities press 8

To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven/Paradise/ Nirvana/Sheol press 9, then enter his social security number followed by the $ sign.   If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.

For reservations to Heaven/Nirvana/ Paradise/ Sheol, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers 3:16.

For answers to nagging questions about gods, dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor/imam/ shaman/conman/witch doctor.

Thank you and have a nice day.

************

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.
"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection, either."

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?

A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the

   Maintenance phase.

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Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?

A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but

   Personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.

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Q: Who is Satan?

A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he

   Actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of

   Him.  God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

**********

Q: What is the role of sinners?

A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up

   The system when God has made it idiot-proof.

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Q: Where will I go after I die?

A: Onto a DAT tape.

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Q: Will I be reincarnated?

A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you.  And searching

   Those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you,

   God will just say that the tape has been lost.

**********

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?

A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running

   Exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

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Q: What is the purpose of the universe?

A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then

   The users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto

   It and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

**********

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?

A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get

   Off his back and let him program.

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Q: What is the one true religion?

A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick

   The one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.

**********

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?

A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common

   Word, or a date like your birthday.

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Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God.  Is this true?

A: They are much more likely to receive email.

**********

Q: Some people say God is Love.

A: That is not a question.  Please restate your query in the form of a

   Question.

   Abort, Retry, Fail?

**********

Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.

**********

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?

A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.

**********

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?

A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

**********

Q: Does God know everything?

A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes

   On in the overnite job.

**********

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?

A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and

   He logs on from home to try to bring it up.  Otherwise things can

   Wait until tomorrow.

**********

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?

A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy

   Bars.  On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend

   Had left him.

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Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

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Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

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Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

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Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

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Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

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That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

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Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

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Some times good service
Some times bad service
Some times no service
Some times Self service