During work, David and Michael were chatting:
David: Michael, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Michael: oh!
David: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Michael: No
David: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
David: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Michael: No
David: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
David: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Michael: No
David: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.
This time, Michael got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Wyatt?
David: No
Michael: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know
Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.
SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.
George: Condi! Nice to see you? What''s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Let's hear it.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I''m asking you? Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu?
George: The Chinese?
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya?asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That''s the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes sir.
George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. On the phone. I bet he knows.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: Call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N .?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!
Condi: Kofi?
George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.
********
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
And a keyboard was on a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
And a CD was a bank account
And if you had a corrupted disk
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was what you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
A hard drive was a trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to the commode!
Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,
Pasting, you did with glue.
The Web was where a spider lived
And a virus was the flu!
Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However,
If they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"
| OLD TITLES | NEW TITLES |
| Garden Boy | Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist |
| House Maid | Family Environs Upkeep Manager |
| Receptionist | Front Office Manager/Office Access Control |
| Typist | Printed Document Handler |
| Messenger | Business Communications Conveyer |
| Window Cleaner | Transparent Wall Technician |
| Temporary Teacher | Associate Tutor |
| Tea Boy | Refreshment Overseer |
| Garbage Collector | Public Sanitation Technician |
| Watchman | Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer |
| Prostitute | Practical Sexual Relations Officer |
| Thief | Wealth Distribution Officer |
| Driver | Automobile Propulsion Specialist |
| Maid | Domestic Operations Specialist |
| Employee without Portfolio | Administration Manager |
| Cook | Food Preparation Officer |
| Unemployed | Township Management |
| Gossiping | Research Management |
Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M
Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).
With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. At 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.
Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.
I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,
Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)
*********
He said, "God?"
God responded, "Yes?"
And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"
"Go right ahead", God said.
"God, what is a million years to you?"
God said, "A million years to me is only a second."
The man wondered.
Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"
God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."
So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"
And God cheerfully said,
"Sure!....... just a second."
Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.
Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"
So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"
The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.
Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."
And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"
To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
**********
Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the question you ask.
**********
For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday;
Ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"
**********
