Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see you? What''s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Let's hear it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I''m asking you? Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu?

George: The Chinese?

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya?asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That''s the man's name.

George: That's whose name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. On the phone. I bet he knows.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And  then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: Call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N .?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!

Condi: Kofi?

George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.

********

An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

And a keyboard was on a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age

And a CD was a bank account

And if you had a corrupted disk

It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was what you did to garbage

Not something you did to a file

And if you unzipped anything in public

You'd be in jail for a while!

Log on was adding wood to a fire

A hard drive was a trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And a backup happened to the commode!

Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,

Pasting, you did with glue.

The Web was where a spider lived

And a virus was the flu!

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However,
If they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

OLD TITLES	NEW TITLES
Garden Boy	Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist
House Maid	Family Environs Upkeep Manager
Receptionist	Front Office Manager/Office Access Control
Typist	Printed Document Handler
Messenger	Business Communications Conveyer
Window Cleaner	Transparent Wall Technician
Temporary Teacher	Associate Tutor
Tea Boy	Refreshment Overseer
Garbage Collector	Public Sanitation Technician
Watchman	Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer
Prostitute	Practical Sexual Relations Officer
Thief	Wealth Distribution Officer
Driver	Automobile Propulsion Specialist
Maid	Domestic Operations Specialist
Employee without Portfolio	Administration Manager
Cook	Food Preparation Officer
Unemployed	Township Management
Gossiping	Research Management

To

Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M



Sub: Offer of love!



Dearest Ms Juliet,



I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).



With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. At 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.



Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.



Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.



The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.



However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.



I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.



I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.



Wish you all the best!



Thanking you in anticipation,



Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)



*********

A man was praying to god.

He said, "God?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead", God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "A million years to me is only a second."

The man wondered.

Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."

So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said,

"Sure!....... just a second."

 

.

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I  smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you  may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and  tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not  surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max  goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all  means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want  to."

**********

Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the  question you ask.

**********

For example, if you want a vacation when still  working on a project don't ask for the holiday;

Ask: "Can I keep  working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

**********