My Knowledge Sharings

Fact about your farts

2010-04-20T15:11:00.004+08:00

SPAGHETTI

2010-04-13T13:13:00.001+08:00

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to Ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she Would go to Italy to secretly have the child..

If she stayed in Italy To raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child Turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, And Write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the Child Support payment to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'You received a very strange postcard today,' she said.

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he replied. The Wife obeyed.

And watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce.

Source:: Funlok

Funny Questions and Answers

2010-04-08T12:55:00.000+08:00

Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar : ZEBRA
Teacher : How?
Sardar : Bcoz it is Black & White
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **

Judge : Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge : U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **

Question : "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied : "No!
35 Children R More than Enough!!"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager : Do U know MS Office?
Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .... While its landing he shouted: " Bombay
... Bombay "
Air hostess said : "B silent."
Sardar : "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **

Sir : What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar : Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson4

2009-10-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson3

2009-10-21T15:15:00.001+08:00

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story

Always let your boss have the first say.

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson2

2009-10-20T15:14:00.000+08:00

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson1

2009-10-19T14:59:00.000+08:00

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
    The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
    Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "
    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
    When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
    "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
    "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
    Moral of the story
     If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Don’t Complaint to Your Wife

2009-10-18T15:09:00.001+08:00

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through --

So he prayed:

"Dear Lord:
I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through.
So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen!"

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate,
Awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes,
Fed them breakfast,
Packed their lunches,
Drove them to school,
Came home and picked up the dry cleaning,
Took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit,
Went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the check book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then, it was already 01 P.M.

And he hurried to make the beds,
Do the laundry, vacuum,
Dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.
Ran to the school to pick up the kids
And got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies
And got the kids organized to do their homework.
Then, set up the ironing board
And watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes
And washing vegetables for salad,
Breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper,
He cleaned the kitchen,
Ran the dishwasher,
Folded laundry,
Bathed the kids,
And put them to bed.
At 09 P.M .

He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished,
He went to bed where he was expected to make love,
Which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning,
He awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: -
'Lord, I don't know what I was thinking.
I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
Please, oh! Oh! Please, let us trade back. Amen!'

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied:
'My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.
But You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.'

Overconfidence !!!

2009-10-15T15:00:00.000+08:00

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"

With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

God created Man….

2009-10-14T13:55:00.000+08:00

GOD created the DONKEY and told him, 'You will work tireless from sunrise up to sunset, carrying heavy bags on your back, you will eat grass. You will not have intelligence and you will live 50 years. You will be a DONKEY!'

The DONKEY answered, 'I will be a DONKEY, but living 50 years is too much, give me only 20 years!' and GOD gave him 20 years.

GOD created DOG and told him ' You will look after man's house, you will be his best friend, you will eat whatever they give you and you will live 25years, You will be a DOG!'

The DOG answered 'GOD, living 25 years is too much, give only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

GOD created the MONKEY and told him, 'you will jump from branch to branch you will do silly things, you will be amusing and you will live 20 years, you will be a MONKEY!'

The MONKEY answered ' GOD, living 20 years is too much , give me only 10 years!' and GOD gave him 10 years.

Finally,

GOD created MAN and told him, 'you will be a MAN the only rational being on this earth and you will use your intelligence to control other animals, you will dominate the world and you will live for 20 years.

The MAN answered, GOD I will be a man but living 20 years is not enough, why don't you give me the 30 years that the DONKEY refused, the 15 years that the DOG didn't want and the 10 years that the MONKEY refused ?'

That was exactly what GOD did, and since then:

MAN lives 20 years like a MAN, then he gets married and spends 30 years like a DONKEY, working and carrying the load on his back. Then, when his children leave he spends 15 years like DOG looking after the house and eating whatever is given to him. Then he gets old, retires and spends 10 years like a MONKEY, jumping from house to house or from children to children, doing silly things to amuse his grandchildren!

Useful Dhamma Websites

2009-05-20T13:00:00.000+08:00

Another best eBooks Sharing Site for Myanmar People

2009-04-24T21:01:00.001+08:00

Hi All,

Please go and check this website Books Hive. I recommend that it is one of the best ebooks sharing website.

Your behavior By Signing Style

2009-04-01T20:39:00.001+08:00

SINGLE UNDERLINE BELOW THE SIGN

These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life".

***********

TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGN

These persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their fiances as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other persons & they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract others.

***********

SINGLE DOT BELOW THE SIGN

These persons are more inclined towards classical arts, simple & are very cool. If you loose faith with them, then these persons will never look back at you. Hence its always better to be careful with these people.

***********

NO UNDERLINES OR DOTS BELOW THE SIGN

These persons enjoy their life in their own way, never pay attention to others views. These are considered to be good natured but are selfish too.

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RANDOM SIGN, NO SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN

These persons try to be very smart, hide each & every matter, never say anything in straight forward manner, never pay attention to the other person of what he is talking of.

***********

RANDOM SIGN, SIMILARITY BETWEEN NAME & SIGN

These persons are considered to be intelligent but never think. These people change their ideas & views as fast as the wind changes its direction of flow. They never think whether that particular thing is right or wrong. You can win them just by flattering them.

***********

SIGN IN PRINTED LETTERS

These persons are very kind to us, have a good heart, selfless, are ready to sacrifice their life for the sake of their near & dear. But these seems to think a lot and may get angry very soon.

***********

WRITING COMPLETE NAME AS THEIR SIGN

These persons are very kind-hearted, can adjust themselves to any environment & to the person they are talking. These persons are very firm on their views & posses a lot of will power.

Barack Obama (1961 - )

2009-03-26T13:28:00.000+08:00

Barack Obama, Election Night Speech in Chicago, 11-04-08

I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you. I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

Barack Obama, Election Night Speech in Chicago, 11-04-08

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.

Barack Obama, Election Night Speech in Chicago, 11-04-08

There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.
The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you, we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem.
But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years — block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

Barack Obama, New Hampshire Democratic Primary Speech, 01-08-08

It was a creed written into the founding documents that declared the destiny of a nation.
Yes we can.
It was whispered by slaves and abolitionists as they blazed a trail towards freedom through the darkest of nights.
Yes we can.
It was sung by immigrants as they struck out from distant shores and pioneers who pushed westward against an unforgiving wilderness.
Yes we can.

Barack Obama, New Hampshire Democratic Primary Speech, 01-08-08

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. They will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check; we've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope.

QUIZ???

2009-03-12T12:54:00.000+08:00

[1] IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE AGAINST HER WILL, IS IT CONSIDERED RAPE OR SHOPLIFTING?

[2] CAN YOU CRY UNDER WATER?

[3] HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?

[4] WHY DO YOU HAVE TO "PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN"... BUT IT'S ONLY A "PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS"? WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING TO?

[5] ONCE YOU'RE IN HEAVEN, DO YOU GET STUCK WEARING THE CLOTHES YOU WERE BURIED IN FOR ETERNITY?

[6] WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX?

[7] WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?

[8] HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?

[9] WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY" WHEN BABIES WAKE UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?

[10] IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?

[11] WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?

[12] WHY DO PEOPLE PAY TO GO UP TALL BUILDINGS AND THEN PUT MONEY IN BINOCULARS TO LOOK AT THINGS ON THE GROUND?

[13] WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE? THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.

[14] WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?

[15] WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT?

[16] IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A STUPID SONG ABOUT HIM?

[17] CAN A HEARSE CARRYING A CORPSE DRIVE IN THE CARPOOL LANE ?

[18] IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?

[19] WHY DOES GOOFY STAND ERECT WHILE PLUTO REMAINS ON ALL FOURS? THEY'RE BOTH DOGS!

[20] IF WILE E. COYOTE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ALL THAT ACME CRAP, WHY DIDN'T HE JUST BUY DINNER?

[21] IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?

[22] IF ELECTRICITY COMES FROM ELECTRONS, DOES MORALITY COME FROM MORONS?

[23] DO THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR HAVE THE SAME TUNE?

[24] WHY DID YOU JUST TRY SINGING THE TWO SONGS ABOVE?

[25] WHY DO THEY CALL IT AN ASTEROID WHEN IT'S OUTSIDE THE HEMISPHERE, BUT CALL IT A HEMORRHOID WHEN IT'S IN YOUR BUTT?

[26] DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU BLOW IN A DOG'S FACE, HE GETS MAD AT YOU, BUT WHEN YOU TAKE HIM FOR A CAR RIDE, HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW?

Our Eyes

2009-02-19T12:51:00.000+08:00

Eyes Are the most complex organs you possess except for your brain.
Eyes Are composed of more than two million working parts.
Eyes Can process 36,000 bits of information every hour.
Eyes Under the right conditions, can discern the light of a candle at a distance of 14 miles.
Eyes Contribute towards 85% of your total knowledge.

Eyes Utilize 65% of all the pathways to the brain.
Eyes Can instantaneously set in motion hundreds of muscles and organs in your body.
Eyes In a normal life-span, will bring you almost 24 million images of the world around you.
Eyes The external muscles that move the eyes are the strongest muscles in the human body for the job that they have to do. They are 100 times more powerful than they need to be.
Eyes The adult eyeball measures about 1 inch (2.5 cm) in diameter. Of its total surface area only one-sixth is exposed -- the front portion.
Eyes The eye is the only part of the human body that can function at 100% ability at any moment, day or night, without rest. Your eyelids need rest, the external muscles of your eyes need rest, the lubrication of your eyes requires replenishment, but your eyes themselves "never" need rest. But please rest them!
Eyes Eyes are your most precious sense... care for them properly!

Friend

2009-02-04T12:47:00.000+08:00

A friend is a push when you have stopped,
A chat when you arr lonely,
A guide when you are searching,
A smile when you are sad,
A song when you are glad.

............ ......... ..................... ..

What is a friend?
She looks out 4 you,
Inspires you,
Laughs with you,
Cries with you,
Understands you,
Guides you and walks with you.
That's what a friend is... YOU.

FUNNY Poems Written By Husband To Wife

2009-01-21T12:21:00.000+08:00

I wrote your name on sand it got washed.

I wrote your name in air, it was blown away. Then

I wrote your name on my heart & I got Heart Attack.

******

God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created Pepsi .

He saw me in dark, he created light .

He saw me without problems, he created YOU.

******

Twinkle Twinkle little star

You should know what you are

And once you know what you are

Mental hospital is not so far.

******

The rain makes all things beautiful.

The grass and flowers too.

If rain makes all things beautiful

Why doesn't it rain on you?

******

Roses are red, Violets are blue

Monkeys like u should be kept in zoo.

Don't feel so angry you will find me there too

Not in cage but laughing at you.

******

What If Titanic sank Today?

2009-01-07T12:18:00.000+08:00

Reaction from different countries:
************ **
U.S.A:
"A ship coming to Freedom was attacked by terrorists.
We will not sit quiet and we will teach them a lesson.
Bin Laden you can run but you cannot hide we will find you and destroy your Al-Qaeda network."
(President Bush........ whoelse?)

************ **
U.K:
"I have spoken to the President of United States and we have both agreed that the sinking of Titanic is significant prove that Saddam Hussein is clearly behind this attack, Iraq is imposing a threat to the world and this has to be dealt with."
(Prime Minister Blair)
************ **
Iraq:
"LOL!!!" (President Saddam Hussain)
************ **
Israel:
"These Hamas and other terrorist network is enough evidence to say that sinking of Titanic is not an accident but it was their suicide bombers who have commited such a crime.
We will now impose curfew on the Palestinians, detain them, exile them, kill them, starve them, destroy their homes and refugee camps."
(Ariel Sharon....)
************ **

Canada:
"Titanic who?" (Canadian Prime Minister)
************ **
India:
"Is mein Pakistan ka haath hai. We have received passports of Pakistani extremists from the Titanic debris.
Pakistanis will have to pay for such horrendous act of terrorism. We are now deploying more soldiers to the border."
(Prime Minister Vajpayee)
************ **
Pakistan:
"Sind may Double Sawari per ghair muayyana muddat ke liye pabandi"
(President Musharraf)
************ **
UN:
"Shit happens right??"
(Sec.Gen. Kofi Annan)
************ **
Survivors:
"Uhh. Helllooo. Is anyone listening... it was an iceberg..hellloooooo."
************ **

Auto-answering

2008-12-25T12:11:00.000+08:00

Thank you for calling Jehovah/Allah/ and all the rest.

For English press 1

For Spanish press 2

For Arabic press 3

For all other languages press 4

Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for Virgins website (mobile phones only)

Press 5 for all others

I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:

Jehovah (Jewish) press 1

Jehovah (RC) press 2

Jehovah (Anglican) press 3

Jehovah (OPD) press 4

Allah (Sunni) press 5

Allah (Shia) press 6

E-meter press 7

Other deities press 8

To find a loved one who has been assigned to Heaven/Paradise/ Nirvana/Sheol press 9, then enter his social security number followed by the $ sign. If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.

For reservations to Heaven/Nirvana/ Paradise/ Sheol, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers 3:16.

For answers to nagging questions about gods, dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive for the specifics.

Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.

The office is now closed to observe a religious holiday.

If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor/imam/ shaman/conman/witch doctor.

Thank you and have a nice day.

************

The Second Opinion

2008-12-18T12:04:00.000+08:00

Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore.
"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
The next day the worried fellow returned with his wife. "Take off your clothes, Mrs. Thomas," the medic said. "Now turn all the way around. Lie down please. Uh-huh, I see. Ok, you may put your clothes back on."
The doctor took the husband aside. "You're in perfect health," he said. "Your wife didn't give me an erection, either."

God as Computer Programmer - 2

2008-11-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?

A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the

Maintenance phase.

**********

Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?

A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but

Personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.

**********

Q: Who is Satan?

A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he

Actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of

Him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

**********

Q: What is the role of sinners?

A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up

The system when God has made it idiot-proof.

**********

Q: Where will I go after I die?

A: Onto a DAT tape.

**********

Q: Will I be reincarnated?

A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching

Those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you,

God will just say that the tape has been lost.

**********

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?

A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running

Exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

**********

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?

A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then

The users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto

It and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

**********

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?

A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get

Off his back and let him program.

**********

Q: What is the one true religion?

A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick

The one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.

**********

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?

A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common

Word, or a date like your birthday.

**********

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?

A: They are much more likely to receive email.

**********

Q: Some people say God is Love.

A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a

Question.

Abort, Retry, Fail?

**********

God as Computer Programmer - 1

2008-11-25T21:20:00.000+08:00

Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.

**********

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?

A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.

**********

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?

A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

**********

Q: Does God know everything?

A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes

On in the overnite job.

**********

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?

A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and

He logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can

Wait until tomorrow.

**********

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?

A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy

Bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend

Had left him.

**********

Words the women use

2008-10-10T15:25:00.001+08:00

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

***********

Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

***********

Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

***********

Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

***********

Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

***********

That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

***********

Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly.

***********

Wife & restarant

2008-10-02T15:21:00.000+08:00

Some times good service
Some times bad service
Some times no service
Some times Self service

Night Classes

2008-09-19T15:16:00.000+08:00

During work, David and Michael were chatting:
David: Michael, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.
Michael: oh!
David: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?
Michael: No
David: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.
The next day, the same discussion took place:
David: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?
Michael: No
David: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.
The next day, once again:
David: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?
Michael: No
David: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.
This time, Michael got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Wyatt?
David: No
Michael: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know

Funnny conversation

2008-09-12T15:05:00.000+08:00

Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.

SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.

George: Condi! Nice to see you? What''s happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Let's hear it.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I''m asking you? Who is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu?

George: The Chinese?

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya?asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.

George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That''s the man's name.

George: That's whose name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes sir.

George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.

Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. On the phone. I bet he knows.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: Call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N .?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China.

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!

Condi: Kofi?

George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.

(Condi picks up the phone.)

Condi: Rice here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.

********

Life Before Computers

2008-09-01T14:07:00.000+08:00

An application was for employment

A program was a TV show

A cursor used profanity

And a keyboard was on a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age

And a CD was a bank account

And if you had a corrupted disk

It would hurt when you found out!

Compress was what you did to garbage

Not something you did to a file

And if you unzipped anything in public

You'd be in jail for a while!

Log on was adding wood to a fire

A hard drive was a trip on the road

A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And a backup happened to the commode!

Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,

Pasting, you did with glue.

The Web was where a spider lived

And a virus was the flu!

Congratulations

2008-08-22T14:05:00.000+08:00

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However,
If they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
"Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

Job Titles

2008-08-12T13:53:00.000+08:00

OLD TITLES	NEW TITLES
Garden Boy	Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist
House Maid	Family Environs Upkeep Manager
Receptionist	Front Office Manager/Office Access Control
Typist	Printed Document Handler
Messenger	Business Communications Conveyer
Window Cleaner	Transparent Wall Technician
Temporary Teacher	Associate Tutor
Tea Boy	Refreshment Overseer
Garbage Collector	Public Sanitation Technician
Watchman	Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer
Prostitute	Practical Sexual Relations Officer
Thief	Wealth Distribution Officer
Driver	Automobile Propulsion Specialist
Maid	Domestic Operations Specialist
Employee without Portfolio	Administration Manager
Cook	Food Preparation Officer
Unemployed	Township Management
Gossiping	Research Management

Official Love Letter

2008-08-07T11:50:00.001+08:00

To

Juliet
Grade 7.0 S.M

Sub: Offer of love!

Dearest Ms Juliet,

I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).

With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. At 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.

Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent.

Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.

The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.

However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.

I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else.

I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister, if you do not wish to take up this offer.

Wish you all the best!

Thanking you in anticipation,

Yours sincerely,
Romeo (HR Manager)

*********

Just a second

2008-08-01T11:21:00.000+08:00

A man was praying to god.

He said, "God?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the Guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead", God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "A million years to me is only a second."

The man wondered.

Then he asked, "God, what is a million dollars worth to you?"

God said, "A million dollars to me is a penny."

So the man said, "God can I have a penny?"

And God cheerfully said,

"Sure!....... just a second."

Just for fun

2008-07-22T01:06:00.000+08:00

Friendship

2008-07-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

The reply you get depends on the question you ask

2008-07-08T01:39:00.000+08:00

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

**********

Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the question you ask.

**********

For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday;

Ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

**********

Wrist-watch cell phone

2008-07-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

WHY MAN HAS 2 DOGS AND NOT TWO WIVES

2008-06-12T15:22:00.000+08:00

1. The later you come home the more excited your dogs are to see you.

*********

2. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.

*********

3. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don`t hate it.

*********

4. Dogs don`t notice if you call them by another dog`s name.

*********

5. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.

*********

6. A dog`s parents never visit.

*********

7. Dogs do not hate their bodies.

*********

8. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.

*********

9. Dogs like to do their snooping outside rather than in your wallet or desk.

*********

10. Dogs seldom outlive you.

*********

11. Dogs can`t talk.

*********

12. You never have to wait for a dog; they`re ready to go 24 hours a day.

*********

13. Dogs find you amusing when you`re drunk.

*********

14. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.

*********

15. Another man will seldom steal your dog.

*********

16. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"

*********

17. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.

*********

18. A dog will let you put a studded collar and a leash on it without calling you a pervert.

*********

19. A dog won`t hold out on you to get a new car.

*********

20. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don`t get mad. They just think it`s interesting.

*********

21. On a car trip, your dog never insists on running the heater.

*********

22. Dogs don`t let magazine articles guide their lives.

*********

23. When your dog gets old, you can have it put to sleep.

*********

24. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.

*********

25. Dogs are not allowed in Maceys, Bloomingdales or Neiman-Marcus.

*********

And, last but not least:

26. If a dog leaves, it won`t take half of your stuff.

*********

Cute Hedgehog

2008-06-11T15:21:00.000+08:00

Want to drink ? I think It is good for health especially for man :)

2008-06-10T15:18:00.000+08:00

Cost Cutting :)

2008-06-09T15:16:00.000+08:00

Chocolate !!! I want to eat :P

2008-06-08T15:10:00.000+08:00

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

2008-06-07T15:06:00.000+08:00

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"

************

Lovely message for us…

2008-06-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

Nothing in this world is IMPOSSIBLE as the word is "I M POSSIBLE".

................................................

Happiness is not something you find, It's something you create.

................................................

One thing you can learn by watching the clock is that it passes time by keeping its hands busy.

................................................

The heart is happiest when it beats for others.

................................................

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little "extra".

What MEN / WOMEN Says and What their actual Meanings.

2008-06-05T15:00:00.000+08:00

WOMEN'S WORDS

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Fine, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you idiot!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

*********

MEN'S WORDS

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

**********

50 years old love

2008-06-04T21:33:00.000+08:00

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling a sleep, but the wife felt romantic and wanted to talk.
She said, "You use to hold my hand when we were courting."
Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second, and tried to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said. "Then you use to bite my neck.
"Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.
"Where are you going ?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"

Without Girlfriend Life :)

2008-06-03T21:28:00.000+08:00

******************

1. You can stare at any Girl.......

*************

2. You don't have to spend money on her.

*************

3. You won't get boring result in ur board papers.

*************

4. No girlfriend, no emotional blackmailing.

*************

5. If u don't have a girlfriend, she can't dump u.

*************

6. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is automatically cool, and every one loves to be a cool guy.

*************

7. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody phone to ring.

*************

8. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right" and "wrong" for u.

*************

9. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything according ur wishes anymore.

*************

10. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a girlfriend and have a happier family life.

*************
11. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird shop place.

*************

12. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.

*************
13. You wont have to see boring love stories instead of sports.

*************

14. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll sin less.

*************

15. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.

*************

16. You wont have to fight over having a 'special' friend with ur folks.

*************
17. No nonstop nonsense.

*************

18. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.

*************

19. No tension.

*************

20. You can be "urself"

*************

21. You wont have to hide your telephone bills.....

*************

Internet is GOD? !!!

2008-06-03T00:14:00.000+08:00

1] God knows everything. Internet knows everything.

2] God can't be seen, only its effect can be. Internet can't be seen, only its effect can be.

3] God is everywhere. Nowadays Internet is also everywhere.

4] Pursuit of God needs time/money/dedication. Same with Internet.

CONCLUSION: Internet is God!

12 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

2008-06-02T00:18:00.000+08:00

TWELVE:
You talk with him/her late at night and when you go to bed you still think of him/her.
ELEVEN:
You walk really slowly when you are with him/her.
TEN:
You don't feel Ok when he/she is far away.
NINE:
You smile when you hear his/her voice.
EIGHT:
When you look at him/her,you do not see other people around you. You see only him/her.
SIX:
He/She is everything you want to think.
FIVE:
You realize that you smile every time you look at him/her.
FOUR:
You would do anything to see him/her.
THREE:
While you have been reading this, there was a person in your mind all the time.
TWO:
You've been so busy thinking of that person that you didn't notice that number 7 is missing.
ONE:
You are going to check above if that's true and now you are silently laughing to yourself.
NOW MAKE A WISH! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT THE MOST.......

Pfingo Price Plan

2008-05-31T23:35:00.000+08:00

Price Plans

pfingo

pfingo account is FREE. No subscription required.
Calls from your pfingo account to other pfingo users are always FREE!
Tell your family, friends and colleagues – the more people you know who sign up, the more people you can call for FREE!
Low IDD rates e.g. outgoing calls to Singapore at only S$0.02/min.
Low rates to everywhere else. Make outgoing calls, send a fax / SMS with our competitive rates.

BASIC

For S$2 per month, BASIC plan gives you a Singapore number which allows you to make and receive calls on your PC or mobile phone, plus you get all the benefits of the free pfingo account listed above.
Give this number to your family and friends so that they can reach you easily.
Incoming calls to your Singapore number are FREE.

PRO

For as little as S$11 per month, PRO gives you a Singapore number with unlimited** outgoing calls to Singapore, plus all the benefits of the free pfingo account listed above.
Outgoing calls to Singapore are FREE.
Incoming calls to your Singapore number are FREE.

** Please refer to pfingoTALK Terms of Service (Fair Use Policy) for more details.

Price plans - At a glance

SUBSCRIPTION CHARGES
	pfingo	BASIC	PRO
			3-month	6-month	12-month
SUBSCRIPTION CHARGES	FREE	S$24 / yr (S$2/mth)	S$39 (S$13/mth)	S$72 (S$12/mth)	S$132 (S$11/mth)
Singapore VoIP number	NO	YES	YES	YES	YES
Other International number	FREE (select from more than 20 countries)
USAGE CHARGES
Outgoing Charges
Calls
- to other pfingo users	FREE
- to Singapore	S$0.02 / min	S$0.02 / min	FREE
- to all other countries	pfingo IDD rates
Fax
- to Singapore	S$0.02 / min	S$0.02 / min	FREE
- to all other countries	pfingo IDD rates
SMS
- to Singapore	S$0.03 / SMS (Normal: S$0.05 / SMS)
- to all other countries	S$0.10 / SMS
Incoming Charges
Calls
- from other pfingo users	FREE
- from Singapore	N.A	FREE
- from all other countries	N.A	FREE
- myGlobal number - Private	S$0.03 / min
Fax
- from Singapore	N.A	FREE
- from all other countries	N.A	FREE
SMS
- from Singapore	FREE
- from all other countries	FREE
Bundled value added services
CallerID, Call Forwarding* VoiceEmail, Missed Call Notification (SMS^ + email)
Notes: * forwarded calls will be charged at prevailing outgoing calls rates ^ SMS will be charged at prevailing SMS rates We absorb Singapore’s Goods and Services Tax (GST).

Source : Pfingo

Grooveshark ( free P2P Music Sharing)

2008-05-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

Grooveshark is the fastest, easiest way to listen to any song in the world, for free. Founded in 2006 by college students from the University of Florida, Grooveshark is a venture-backed company based in Gainesville, FL.

Grooveshark's audience is young, influential, and highly engaged. Each month, Grooveshark receives:

More than 1.1 million unique visitors worldwide
More than 14 million minutes of streaming
More than 17 minutes average time spent per visitor

Grooveshark is an online service that puts a whole new meaning to peer-to-peer networks when dealing with music. Grooveshark allows you to upload and stream your music library right in your browser. If you’re not fond of your personal library, you can simply create playlists from the existing library of music Grooveshark provides.

Sharing……

2008-05-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

How can i spell s_ccess widout U?
Or C_TE? Or _NIQ_E?
Ican t even hav F_N or any good L_CK without U
Looks like i jus can't S_RVIVE wid out U?

...................................

Everybody wants to see "HEAVEN"
But nobody wants to die.
But I saw HEAVEN in your "Friendship"
Without dying.

...................................

Alphabetic advice for you:
A B C
Avoid Bad Company.
D E F
Don't Entertain Fools.
G H I
Go for High Ideas.
J K L M
Just Keep Lovely friends like me.

Men and Women

2008-05-28T23:30:00.000+08:00

***************

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one Around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their Luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off If the women leaves them.

7. Although the women leaves them they still don't learn from their Mistakes and still try their luck with others.

***************
Women:

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive Clothes.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something To wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress Beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "An old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still Expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't Believe you

***************

BEAUTIFUL LANGKAWI

2008-05-27T23:24:00.000+08:00

Langkawi is an archipelago of 99 islands in the Andaman Sea, some 30 km off the mainland coast of northwestern Malaysia.

Bottle Art

2008-05-27T01:40:00.000+08:00

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS:

2008-05-26T01:35:00.000+08:00

The result
Markets silent
Streets empty
The police at rest
All mobile companies in loss
No SMS
No Flowers
No Valentine
No Candles
No Perfumes
All the men directed to Heaven.

Coffee Art

2008-05-25T01:22:00.000+08:00

How company logos will look like when the crisis is finally over.

2008-05-24T00:00:00.000+08:00

Control Length for all textbox and textarea control

2008-05-23T10:33:00.000+08:00

You can control the length of the textbox in asp.net using maxlength property which is build in property but if you use the textarea and the multiline textbox you cannot use the maxlength property. The below is use full and I already tested this one. This is using javascript and using "onkeypress" and in my code 499 is length see below code:

Javascript:

function limitTextFiled(limittxtField, limittxtNum)
{
return (limittxtField.value.length <= limittxtNum);
}

In the aspx or webpage:

onkeypress="return limitTextFiled(this,499)"

Funny Hotel Website Booking :D

2008-05-22T01:11:00.000+08:00

Hand Art

2008-05-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

Conductor

Athletes

Football Players

Goalkeeper

Weight-lifter

Canoeist

Rooster

Peacock

Pianist

Put your name beside your system tray clock

2008-05-20T09:17:00.000+08:00

1.) Go the Control Panel
2.) Open the Regional and Language Options
3.) Click on the customize button from Regional Options
4.) Click on the Time Tag and change the AM Symbol and PM Symbol as you wish than click OK. Now you can see your customize text beside your system tray clock.

Don't leave your phone in public.

2008-05-18T18:28:00.000+08:00

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free
speaker-function and begins to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello."

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "£45,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price, I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .....the house I wanted last year is
back on the market. They're asking £450,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of £400,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It is really a
pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths agape.....

Then he smiles and asks: "Anyone know's who this phone belongs to?"

What ever KISS means?

2008-05-17T15:19:00.000+08:00

Kiss on the stomach = I'm ready

Kiss on the Forehead = I hope we're together forever

Kiss on the Ear = Your my everything

Kiss on the Cheek = You look so cute

Kiss on the Hand = I adore you

Kiss on the Neck = We belong together

Kiss on the Shoulder = I want you

Kiss on the Lips = I love you

Ballons Dress Fashion

2008-05-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

How to Open Multiple Gtalk Program

2008-05-16T12:50:00.000+08:00

1. Go to the Gtalk Program Propeties: Start>>Programs>>Google Talk>> Right Click on the Google Talk

2. Change the Target: For emample;
"C:\Program Files\Google\Google Talk\googletalk.exe" /startmenu to
C:\Program Files\Google\Google Talk\googletalk.exe" /startmenu /nomutex

3. Click Ok. Then you can open multiple Gtalk.

Play with cloud

2008-05-15T13:24:00.000+08:00

Teeth Painting

2008-05-14T12:42:00.000+08:00

Painting on teeth is pretty original, even if some may find them a bit disturbing. I have to say I m pretty scared of the dentist, but if I ever have a tooth removed this is definitely what I want to do with it, turn something painful into something beautiful.

Johan Lorbeer's Still Life Performance and its Secret

2008-05-13T09:09:00.000+08:00

Johan Lorbeer is a German street performer. He became famous in the past few years because of his “Still-Life” Performances, which took place in the public area. His installations includes “Proletarian Mural” and “Tarzan”, which are famous in Germany. Several of these performances feature Lorbeer in an apparently impossible position.

Lot of good habit

2008-05-12T08:47:00.000+08:00

BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS:

1. No Breakfast

People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level.
This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating

It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking

It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

4. High Sugar consumption

Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing
malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution

The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body. Inhaling polluted air
decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain
efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation

Sleep allows our brain to rest.. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the
death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping

Sleeping with the head covered, increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and
decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

8. Working your brain during illness

Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of
the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts

Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may
cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely

Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain.

************ *******

The main causes of liver damage are:

1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late are main cause.

2. Not urinating in the morning.

3. Too much eating.

4. Skipping breakfast.

5. Consuming too much medication.

6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food coloring, and artificial sweetener.

7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much as possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil.

Do not consume fried foods when you are tired,except if the body is very fit.

8. Consuming raw (overly done) Foods also add to the burden of liver. Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not store.

We should prevent this without necessarily spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating habits and time condition are very important for our bodies to absorb and get rid of unnecessary chemicals according to 'schedule.'

Because :

Evening at 9 - 11 PM :
is the time for eliminating unnecessary/ toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the antibody system (lymph nodes). Relaxing or listening to music should spend this time duration. If during this time a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their homework, this will have a negative impact on health.

Evening at 11pm - 1 am:
is the detoxification process in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep sleep state.

Early morning 1 - 3 am:
detoxification process in the gall, also ideally done in a deep sleep state.

Early morning 3 - 5 am:
detoxification in the lungs. Therefore there will sometimes be a severe cough for cough sufferers during this time. Since the detoxification process had reached the respiratory tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as not to interfere with toxin removal process.

Morning 5 - 7am:
detoxification in the colon, you should empty your bowel.

Morning 7 - 9 am:
absorption of nutrients in the small intestine, you should be having breakfast at this time. Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30 am, for those who are sick. Breakfast before 7:30 am is very beneficial to those wanting to stay fit. Those who always skip breakfast, they should change their habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast late until 9 - 10 am rather than no meal at all..

Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good sleep and don't sleep late.

The Story of Mother's Day

2008-05-11T11:21:00.000+08:00

The earliest Mother's Day celebrations can be traced back to the spring celebrations of ancient Greece in honor of Rhea, the Mother of the Gods. During the 1600's, England celebrated a day called "Mothering Sunday". Celebrated on the 4th Sunday of
Lent (the 40 day period leading up to Easter*), "Mothering Sunday" honored the mothers of England.

During this time many of the England's poor worked as servants for the wealthy. As most jobs were located far from their homes, the servants would live at the houses of their employers. On Mothering Sunday the servants would have the day off and were encouraged to return home and spend the day with their mothers. A special cake, called the mothering cake, was often brought along to provide a festive touch.

As Christianity spread throughout Europe the celebration changed to honor the "Mother Church" - the spiritual power that gave them life and protected them from harm. Over time the church festival blended with the Mothering Sunday celebration . People began honoring their mothers as well as the church.

In the United States Mother's Day was first suggested in 1872 by Julia Ward Howe (who wrote the words to the Battle hymn of the Republic) as a day dedicated to peace. Ms. Howe would hold organized Mother's Day meetings in Boston, Mass ever year.

In 1907 Ana Jarvis, from Philadelphia, began a campaign to establish a national Mother's Day. Ms. Jarvis persuaded her mother's church in Grafton, West Virginia to celebrate Mother's Day on the second anniversary of her mother's death, the 2nd Sunday of May. By the next year Mother's Day was also celebrated in Philadelphia.

Ms. Jarvis and her supporters began to write to ministers, businessman, and politicians in their quest to establish a national Mother's Day. It was successful as by 1911 Mother's Day was celebrated in almost every state. President Woodrow Wilson, in 1914, made the official announcement proclaiming Mother's Day as a national holiday that was to be held each year on the 2nd Sunday of May.

While many countries of the world celebrate their own Mother's Day at different times throughout the year, there are some countries such as Denmark, Finland, Italy, Greece, Turkey, Australia, and Belgium which also celebrate Mother's Day on the second Sunday of May.
Show/Hide Text

'Good-bye laptops'

2008-05-10T13:44:00.000+08:00

Amazing technology from Japan

How the company views its employees. (HE VS SHE)

2008-05-09T13:40:00.000+08:00

1. The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.

The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.

2. HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.

HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

3. HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal

SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.

4. HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.

SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.

5. HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.

SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.

6. HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.

SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.

7. The boss criticised HIM.
He'll prove his performance.

The boss criticized HER.
She'll be very upset.

8. HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?

SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?

9. HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.

SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.

10. HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.

SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.

11. HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.

SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?

12. HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognise a good opportunity.

SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.

Friendship

2008-05-08T13:13:00.000+08:00

Smart way of working

2008-05-07T12:59:00.000+08:00

Creativity with Tin (can)

2008-05-06T12:51:00.000+08:00

The Place where Mercedes are manufactured

2008-05-05T12:42:00.000+08:00

Toy Soldiers

2008-05-04T12:28:00.000+08:00

Windows 7

2008-05-02T19:29:00.000+08:00

Windows 7 (formerly known as Blackcomb and Vienna ) is the successor of Windows Vista. Windows 7 is expected to be released sometime in 2010.

The Four Cats

2008-05-01T20:01:00.000+08:00

Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist, and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat, 'T-square, do your stuff.'
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,
'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'
Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured
exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?'
The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'Coffee Break, do your stuff.'
Coffee Break jumped to his feet.......

ate the cookies...... ...
drank the milk.......
sh*t on the paper.......
screwed the other three cats.......
claimed he injured his back while doing so.......

filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.. .....

put in for Workers Compensation. ......... .....and
went home for the rest of the day on sick leave....... .....

Two prostitutes

2008-04-30T19:57:00.000+08:00

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "TWO PROSTITUTES — $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the cop, "Why don't you stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the cop smiled. "Their sign pertains to religion."

So the two ladies of the night frowned as they took their sign down and drove off.

The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again.

Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:

Be Careful in Crowd

2008-04-29T19:51:00.000+08:00

Zimbabwe 50 Million Dollar Note

2008-04-28T19:43:00.000+08:00

This is the fourth set of high denomination notes to be issued this year, the first being in January when a 10 million dollar note was put into circulation. The next was on April 2 when a 50 million dollar note came into being before the 100 and 250 million dollar notes were introduced on May 2.

But,
How it can be useful? ? ?
We can't purchase even three packs of bread from it.

Zimbabwe has the worst inflation rate in the world. Almost 80% of the nation is unemployed. The Zimbabwean central bank has introduced $500 million bearer cheques (or currency notes) for the public, and $5 billion, $25 billion, $50 billion agro-cheques for farmers. Just last fortnight the nation had introduced $250 million bearer cheques.

A sausage sandwich sells for Zimbabwean $50 million. A 15-kg bag of potatoes cost Zimbabwean $260 million. But then, Zimbabwean $50 million is roughly equal to US$ 1!

Funny Cakes

2008-04-27T19:35:00.000+08:00

Amazing 51 Facts

2008-04-26T17:14:00.000+08:00

1. People who ride on roller coaters have a higher chance of having a blood clot in the brain.

2. Black bears are not always black they can be brown, cinnamon, yellow and sometimes white.

3. People with blue eyes see better in dark.

4. Each year 30,000 people are seriously injured by exercise equipment.

5. The placement of a donkey’s eyes in its head enables it to see all four feet.

6. The sun is 330330 times larger than the earth.

7. The cow gives nearly 200000 glass of milk in her lifetime.

8. There are more female than male millionaires in the U.S.A.

9. A male baboon can kill a leopard.

10. When a person dies, hearing is usually the first sense to go.

11. Bill gates house was designed using Macintosh computer.

12. Nearly 22,000 cheques will be deducted from the wrong account over the next hour.

13. Almost all varieties of breakfast cereals are made from grass.

14. Some lions mates over 50 times a day.

15. American did not commonly use forks until after the civil war.

16. The most productive day of the week is Tuesday.

17. In the 1930’s America track star Jesse Owens used to race against horses and dogs to earn a living.

18. There’s a great mushroom in Oregon that is 2,400 years old. Covers 3.4 square miles of land and is still growing.

19. Jimmy Carter is the first U.S.A. president to have born in hospital.

20. Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

21. Cleopatra married two of her brothers.

22. Human birth control pill work on gorillas.

23. The right lung takes in more air than the left.

24. It is illegal to own a red car in shanghai china.

25. A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.

26. Astronauts cannot burp in space.

27. The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is blue canyon, California Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has sharks.

28. Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.

29. The great warrior Genghis khan died in bed while having $ex.

30. No matter how cold it gets gasoline will not freeze.

31. SNAILS have 14175 teeth laid along 135 rows on their tongue.

32. A BUTTERFLY has 12,000 eyes.

33. DOLPHINS sleep with 1 eye open.

34. A BLUE WHALE can eat as much as 3 tones of food everyday, but at the same time can live without food for 6 months.

35. The EARTH has over 12,00,000 species of animals, 3,00,000 species of plants & 1,00,000 other species.

36. The fierce DINOSAUR was TYRANNOSAURS which has sixty long & sharp teeth, used to attack & eat other dinosaurs.

37. DEMETRIO was a mammal like REPTILE with a snail on its back. This acted as a radiator to cool the body of the animal.

38. CASSOWARY is one of the dangerous BIRD, that can kill a man or animal by tearing off with its dagger like claw.

39. The SWAN has over 25,000 feathers in its body.

40. OSTRICH eats pebbles to help digestion by grinding up the ingested food.

41. POLAR BEAR can look clumsy & slow but during chase on ice, can reach 25 miles / hr of speed.

42. KIWIS are the only birds, which hunt by sense of smell.

43. ELEPHANT teeth can weigh as much as 9 pounds.

44. OWL is the only bird, which can rotate its head to 270 degrees.

45. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

46. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

47. The c!garette lighter was invented before the match.

48. Like fingerprints, everyone’s tongue print is different.

49. Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.

50. German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.

51. A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.

Shortest Love Story

2008-04-25T17:09:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl
"Will you marry me?"
She said "No"_ _ _
And the guy lived happily ever after

The End

Mistakes

2008-04-24T17:04:00.000+08:00

If a BARBER makes a mistakes, it's a
New style

If a DRIVER makes a mistakes, it is a
New Path

If an ENGINEER makes a mistake, it is a
New venture

If a POLITICIAN makes a mistake, it is a
New Law

If a SCIENTIST makes a mistake, it is a
New Invention

if a TAILOR makes a mistake, it is a
New Fashion

If a TEACHER makes a mistake, it is a
New Theory

If our BOSS makes a mistake, it is a
New Idea

If an EMPLOYEE makes a mistake, it is a

" Mistake "

Qualification

2008-04-23T16:53:00.000+08:00

Interviewer: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.

Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. .

~~~~~~~~~

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .

He replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS,

SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

~~~~~~~~~

A sardar on an interview 4 DA post detective.

Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?

Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......

~~~~~~~~~

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

Microsoft's Crazy Facts

2008-04-22T16:47:00.000+08:00

MAGIC #1

Nobody can create a FOLDER anywhere on the computer which can be named as "CON".
This is something pretty cool...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, couldn't answer why this happened!
TRY IT NOW, IT WILL NOT CREATE "CON" FOLDER

MAGIC #2

This is something pretty cool and neat...and unbelievable. ..
At Microsoft the whole Team, including Bill Gates, couldn't answer why this happened!
Try it out yourself...
Open Microsoft Word and type
=rand (200, 99)
And then press ENTER

MAGIC #3

For those of you using Windows, do the following:
1. Open an empty notepad file
2. Type "Bush hid the facts" (without the quotes)
3. Save it as whatever you want.
4. Close it, and re-open it.
Is it just a really weird bug?
You can try the same thing above with another sentence "this app can break"

Explanation for Magic #1:

In windows the folder name and the special system variables share the same interface, so when you create a folder with a system variable name it will consider that folder already exist!!
These special system variables are available irrespective of path
You cannot create a folder with these names also:
CON, NUL, COM1, COM2, COM3, LPT1, LPT2, LPT3,COM1 to COM9 and LPT1 to LPT9....
CON means console, COM1 means serial port 1, LPT1 means parallel port 1

Golden Words of Hitler:

2008-04-21T23:34:00.000+08:00

When u r in light, everything will follow u. But when u enter dark, even your own shadow will not follow u that is life

God made relatives. Thank God we can choose our friends

Money glitters, beauty sparkles, and intelligence shines.

Keep a very firm grasp on reality, so you can strangle it at any time.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're getting.

People may not always believe what you say, but they will believe what you do.

I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

You can't have everything - where would you put it?

Laugh and the world ignore you. Crying doesn't help either.

God is not moved or impressed with our worship until our hearts are moved and impressed by Him.

Life is like a mirror, if you frown at it, it frowns back; if you smile, it returns the greeting.

Never trust a person who isn't having at least one crisis.

Goodness is the only investment that never fails.

The only thing lazy people do fast is get tired.

Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have.

Silence is the only thing that can't be misquoted!

If we don't control our money, it will control us.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die rich..

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you r living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Minds, like parachutes, only function when they are open.

The shortest distance between two points is under construction.

Learn from other people's mistakes, life isn't long enough to make them all yourself.

On the road, never argue with a vehicle heavier than yours.

One thing you can give and still keep is your word.

Life is funny if you don't think about it.

Life is like a grammar lesson. You find the past perfect and the present tense.

There are two kinds of lawyers, those who know the law and those who know the judge.

More doors are opened with 'please' than with keys.

"The Perfect Boss"

2008-04-20T22:55:00.000+08:00

This is the story of., "The Perfect Boss"

There were about 70 scientists working on a very hectic

project. All of them were really frustrated due to the pressure of work
and the demands of their boss but everyone were loyal to him and did not
think of quitting the job.

One day, one scientist came to his boss and told him -
Sir, I have promised to my children that I will take them to the
exhibition going on in our township. So I want to leave the office at 5:30
pm.

His boss replied "OK, You're permitted to leave the office early today" .

The Scientist started working. He continued his work after
lunch. As usual he got involved to such an extent that he looked athis
watch when he felt he was close to completion. The time was 8.30 PM.

Suddenly he remembered of the promise he had given to his children.

He looked for his boss, he was not there. Having told him in
the morning itself, he closed everything and left for home.
Deep within himself, he was feeling guilty for having
disappointed his children. He reached home. Children were not
there.

His wife alone was sitting in the hall and reading magazines.
The situation was explosive; any talk would boomerang on
him. His wife asked him, "Would you like to have coffee or shall I
straight away serve dinner if you are hungry.

The man replied "If you would like to have coffee, i too
will have but what about Children?"

Wife replied "You don't know? Your manager came here at 5.15
PM and has taken the children to the exhibition "

What had really happened was ... The boss who granted him
permission was observing him working seriously at 5.00 PM . He thought to
himself,
this person will not leave the work, but if he has promised his children
they should enjoy the visit to exhibition.

So he took the lead in taking them to exhibition.
The boss does not have to do it everytime. But once it is
done, loyalty is established.

That is why all the scientists at Thumba continued to work
under their boss even though the stress was tremendous.
By the way, can you hazard a guess as to who the boss was..?

He was none other than the mastermind behind India 's
successful nuclear weapons and missiles program.

*Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, President of India.*

Tooth Pulling

2008-04-19T21:43:00.000+08:00

Dentist: I have to pull the aching tooth, it will take just five minutes.
Patient: And how much will it cost?
Dentist: It's $99.
Patient: $99 for just a few minutes work???
Dentist: I can extract it very slowly if you like.

~~~~~~~~~

A new client meets a famous lawyer.

Client: Can you tell me how much do you charge?
Lawyer: I charge $200 to answer three questions!

Client: Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?
Lawyer: Yes it is, and what's your third question?

~~~~~~~~~

The Difference Between Dogs and Cats

A dog thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house, and take good care of me ... They must be gods!

A cat thinks: My owners feed me, love me, provide me with a nice house and take good care of me ... I must be a god!

~~~~~~~~~

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting her fingernails was advised by a friend to take up yoga. She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally.

Seeing this, her friend congratulated her and said yoga had totally cured her nervousness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead.

~~~~~~~~~

Light Jokes :)

2008-04-18T21:23:00.000+08:00

Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

~~~~~~

Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

~~~~~~

Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?

~~~~~~

Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

~~~~~~

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.

~~~~~~

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

~~~~~~~~~

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

~~~~~~~

Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

~~~~~~~~

Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.

~~~~~~~~~

Customer:Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?

Story of the Big Names

2008-04-18T13:07:00.000+08:00

Do u know ?

Adidas
When the founders of the German sports shoe business ‘Dassler Brothers’ went their separate ways in 1949, no one would have guessed that they would start two of the biggest global brands of the century. Rudolph founded Puma, while Adolph started Adidas — a combination of his nickname, Adi, and the start of his last name. The famous three stripes were introduced to the shoes in 1949.

BATA
Bata was established on August 24, 1894 in Zlin, Czechoslovakia by Tomas Bata. The company first established itself in India in 1931 and commenced manufacturing shoes in Batanagar in 1936. The Batanagar factory is the first Indian shoe manufacturing unit to receive the ISO 9001 certification in 1993.

Porsche
In 1931, Ferdinand Porsche founded the Porsche Engineering Office in Stuttgart. Porsche’s production operations are housed in a collection of established buildings on a mixed industrial estate in Stuttgart-Zuffenhau sen. The Carrera GT and the Cayenne models are produced at the Porsche factory in Leipzig. In 1944, the engineering arm was moved from Stuttgart.

Nike
Bill Bowerman, the legendary University of Oregon track & field coach, and Phil Knight, a University of Oregon business student and middle-distance runner under Bowerman, founded Nike. Nike, when it came into being in 1962, was known as Blue Ribbon Sports. Its first-year sales totaled $8,000. In 1972, BRS changed its name to Nike, named for the Greek winged goddess of victory.

Reebok
In the 1890s, Joseph William Foster made some of the first known running shoes with spikes in them. By 1895, he was in business making shoes by hand for top runners; and before long his fledgling company, J.W. Foster and Sons, developed an international clientele of distinguished athletes. The family-owned business made the running shoes worn in the 1924 Summer Games by the athletes celebrated in the film Chariots of Fire. In 1958, two of the founder’s grandsons started a companion company that came to be known as Reebok, named after an African gazelle.

Sun Microsystems
The correct answer is Stanford University Network. In 1981, Bavarian-born Andreas Bechtolsheim was licensing rights to a computer he designed. Named Sun for Stanford University Network and using off-the-shelf parts, it was an affordable workstation for engineers and scientists. In that year, he met Vinod Khosla, who convinced him to form a company and expand. Khosla, Bechtolsheim and Scott McNeally, all Stanford MBAs, founded Sun in 1982.

HMV Dog
Nipper the dog was born in Bristol in Gloucester, England in 1884 and was so named because of his tendency to nip at visitors’ legs. When his first master Mark Barraud died in Bristol in 1887, Nipper was taken to Liverpool in Lancashire, England by Mark’s younger brother Francis, a painter. In Liverpool Nipper discovered the Phonograph, a cylinder recording and playing machine and Francis Barraud ‘often noticed how puzzled he was to make out where the voice came from.’ Three years after Nipper died Francis committed that memory to canvas.

GM
General Motors Corp the world’s largest vehicle manufacturer, employs about 325,000 people globally. Founded in 1908, GM has been the global automotive sales leader since 1931. GM today has manufacturing operations in 32 countries and its vehicles are sold in 192 countries. In 2003, GM sold nearly 8.6 million cars and trucks, about 15 percent of the global vehicle market. GM’s global headquarters are at the GM Renaissance Center in Detroit. The GM Group of global partners includes Fiat Auto SpA of Italy, Fuji Heavy Industries Ltd., Isuzu Motors Ltd. and Suzuki Motor Corp. of Japan, which are involved in various product, powertrain and purchasing collaborations. In addition, GM is the largest shareholder in GM Daewoo Auto & Technology Co. of South Korea. GM also has technology collaborations with BMW AG of Germany.

TCS
TCS was founded in 1968 as an internal arm of the Tata conglomerate. The company — which has locations in 32 countries — employed some 30,000 workers at the end of 2003. Fakir Chand Kohli, former deputy chairman of Tata Consultancy Services, is universally regarded as the father of the Indian software industry. He has been instrumental in scripting the success story of company. Kohli has been awarded the Padma Bhushan, one of India’s highest civilian honours, for his contribution to the Indian software industry. Kohli currently serves on the TCS’ executive committee.

Mont Blanc
Mont Blanc has been known for generations as the maker of the best writing instruments the world has known. The German company, over the last couple of years, has expanded its range to include writing accessories, luxury leather goods and belts, jewellery items and even eye wear and watches. In India, the company is represented by Entrack, owned by former Test cricketer Dilip Doshi. Entrack is the sole distributor of Mont Blanc pens and has exclusive outlets in top five cities in India. The correct answer is Simplo FillerPen Company.
The company was originally called Simplo FillerPen Company. The company expanded its presence to Paris, London, and Barcelona three years after it was founded and was present in most of the fashionable capitals of Europe. In 1934, the company’s name was changed to Mont Blanc Simplo GmbH, after the tallest peak in Europe. Three Germans founded the company in 1906 — Hamburg-based stationer Claus-Johannes Voss, Hamburg banker Christian Lausen and a Berlin engineer Wilhelm Dziambor. The company’s international headquarter is in Hamburg.

DURACELL
The story of Duracell begins in the early 1920’s with an inventive scientist named Samuel Ruben and an eager manufacturer of tungsten filament wire named Philip Rogers Mallory. Duracell is the world’s leading manufacturer and marketer of high-performance alkaline batteries. Duracell also markets primary lithium and zinc air batteries as well as rechargeable nickel-metal hydride batteries.

Air Deccan
Bangalore-based Air Deccan has struck a deal with R K Laxman, India’s most famous cartoonist, to use his legendary ‘Common Man’ character as the airline’s mascot. The mascot exemplifies the fact that air fares are so low now that air travel is no longer the privilege of the elite few but is very much within the reach of the ‘common people

The Boss

2008-04-17T13:01:00.000+08:00

A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:

"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.

The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.

"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."

The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:

"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"

"Coz . . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."

New Trainee

2008-04-15T17:38:00.000+08:00

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.....

On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:

"Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded:

"You fool; you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?"

"No" replied the trainee.

"It's the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!"

The trainee shouted back:

"And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?"

"No!" replied the Managing Director angrily.

"Thank God!" replied the trainee and put the phone down.....

************ ********* ********* *******

Brilliant Spelling !

2008-04-13T17:32:00.000+08:00

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

GAUTENG:
When you rearrange the letters:
GET A GUN

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letter:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

What A Brillint Answer, While Attending Interview

2008-04-12T17:23:00.000+08:00

Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ...

Question 1: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"

Question 2: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked

Question 3: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,
it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:

An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."

Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate.
Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

Question 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?
People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc...

But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura.
In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.

So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!

Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview.
Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table,
then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........

This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....
Show/Hide Text

Absolutely Amazing!

2008-04-11T17:14:00.000+08:00

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321
1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111
9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
Brilliant, isn't it?
And look at this symmetry:
1 x 1 = 1
11 x 11 = 121
111 x 111 = 12321
1111 x 1111 = 1234321
11111 x 11111 = 123454321
111111 x 111111 = 12345654321
1111111 x 1111111 = 1234567654321
11111111 x 11111111 = 123456787654321
111111111 x 111111111 = 12345678987654321

Funny!!!!

2008-04-10T17:07:00.000+08:00

1
Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
fogot laughter were called
"Saints"

But now they are called..

" IT professionals "

2
An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt:

" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has fallen off "

3
Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..
Its just that,
One loves too much,
and

The other loves too many,

4.
Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my salary..!

BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the company..!

5. (Tooooooooo gud!)
Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed ..!

6.
What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new

and

Just few hours left for your exams..!

7.
Jus4Fun
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"

No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8.
Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?

Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"

Girl: Thats good, Give me 12 of them ..!

9
After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an opening for you..!

Applicant: What is it?

Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

10
A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..

Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employees...

Show/Hide Text

MAN Vs WOMAN

2008-04-09T16:09:00.000+08:00

- A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs.

- A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she does not need.

- A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

- A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

- A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

- A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

- To be happy with a man, you must love him a little and understand him a lot.

- To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

- Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

- Women somehow deteriorate overnight.

- A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

- A man marries a woman expecting she won't change, but she does.

- Married men live longer than single men, but married men are more willing to die.

- Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

- A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument

My Knowledge Sharings

Fact about your farts

SPAGHETTI

Funny Questions and Answers

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson4

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson3

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson2

5 Minute Management Course - Lesson1

Don’t Complaint to Your Wife

Overconfidence !!!

God created Man….

Useful Dhamma Websites

Another best eBooks Sharing Site for Myanmar People

Your behavior By Signing Style

Barack Obama (1961 - )

QUIZ???

Our Eyes

Friend

FUNNY Poems Written By Husband To Wife

What If Titanic sank Today?

Auto-answering

The Second Opinion

God as Computer Programmer - 2

God as Computer Programmer - 1

Words the women use

Wife & restarant

Night Classes

Funnny conversation

Life Before Computers

Congratulations

Job Titles

Official Love Letter

Just a second

Just for fun

Friendship

The reply you get depends on the question you ask

Wrist-watch cell phone

WHY MAN HAS 2 DOGS AND NOT TWO WIVES

Cute Hedgehog

Want to drink ? I think It is good for health especially for man :)

Cost Cutting :)

Chocolate !!! I want to eat :P

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

Lovely message for us…

What MEN / WOMEN Says and What their actual Meanings.

50 years old love

Without Girlfriend Life :)

Internet is GOD? !!!

12 Ways to Know That You Love Someone

Pfingo Price Plan

Grooveshark ( free P2P Music Sharing)

Sharing……

Men and Women

BEAUTIFUL LANGKAWI

Bottle Art

LIFE WITHOUT GIRLS:

The result

Markets silent

Streets empty

The police at rest

All mobile companies in loss

No SMS

No Flowers

No Valentine

No Candles

No Perfumes

All the men directed to Heaven.

Coffee Art

How company logos will look like when the crisis is finally over.

Control Length for all textbox and textarea control

Funny Hotel Website Booking :D

Hand Art

Put your name beside your system tray clock

Don't leave your phone in public.

What ever KISS means?

Ballons Dress Fashion

How to Open Multiple Gtalk Program

Play with cloud

Teeth Painting

Johan Lorbeer's Still Life Performance and its Secret